Negotiating with Schools is Exhausting
Exasperated parents often ask me why it is so hard to come to a resolution with their school district. Parents want what’s best for their children. Shouldn’t schools want what’s best for their students? The answer comes down to a difference in priorities, a knowledge gap, and allowing emotions to take over.
For parents, their child is their first and only priority. Parents want their child to reach their potential, to become the best version of themselves. School districts also want this, but it is not their only priority. Schools are underfunded. I’ve yet to see a school district, even in the most affluent towns, where there are no budgetary concerns. Administrators are tasked with finding a solution that works within the budget that they have. This often means fitting kids who are like square pegs into round holes. Students must fit into one of the district’s already existing programs, whether or not it is a fit for them.
School districts have an encyclopedic knowledge of their own programs, the services that are available, and the laws that govern special education. They want parents to believe that these laws are black and white, that their own programs are immutable. Within the law, there’s a lot of grey an ambiguity. I understand these nuances, and can help to close the knowledge gap between you and the school.
Heightened emotions can also cause difficulty when negotiating with a school district. As a parent, it is natural to be emotional about your child and their education. Going into a meeting parents are often anxious, frustrated, and angry with the school team. It’s important to get these feelings out before the team meeting. I’ve found that meeting with families a day or two before an important meeting gives me the chance to hear what is most concerning to families, and put these feelings into actionable items that we can address with the district. The school district comes to the table with an agenda. As a parent, you should also have a well thought out agenda. This ensures that the focus will be on what your child needs, not on big feelings that distract from your goals.
Negotiating with a school district will never be easy. By understanding where the school district is coming from, using an advocate to close the knowledge gap, and relying on facts rather than emotions, parents can be as smart as the school district when advocating for their children.
